Hello and bonjour! There’s been a few gaps in my blog lately – infact a huge gap but there is now a new addition- my sweet baby boy Felix!
And tbh I decided to do that because I felt like there should be a gap. There’s no point writing quickly or without a cause so I wanted to enjoy the end of my pregnancy and then concentrate on the birth and new arrival. Sometimes in life we need a moment of space, and this was simply one of them. Although I love writing I felt a gap was good (Although I’ve still had a few new articles for The Lady and you can read some here;
Being a new mum is terrifically exciting in every way possible! One thing I couldn’t get my head around in my birthing classes and since getting many messages (mainly on Instagram) is how people say ‘don’t worry it will get better soon.’ Now I’m either ever an optimist or I’ve got a screw loose but so far I have really enjoyed it! O.K sometimes it can get a bit mental (a tsunami of poo coming out one end whilst he’s peeing in his own face anyone?) But their all unforgettable moments- The feeding, the being in your own little bubble and learning all about their tiny but perfectly formed self- these are truly magical times and I cherish each of them. They are only ever going to be this small at this time and for that I know I have to enjoy every precious moment.
Also baby Felix is so lovely to look after. He (so far) wakes up at 3am for his feed then sleeps till about 8am – sometimes later, infact today until 9.30am! I didn’t realise this isn’t normal until someone pointed out to me.
Although it hasn’t all gone so seamlessly (and I’m trying to be very positive) as Felix has a rare blood disorder called Glanzmanns. This means his blood doesn’t clot normally and he will have to have constant maintenance throughout his life as there is no cure. When they told me I didn’t know how to deal with it- when he was born he had a lot of unexplainable bruises and this is part of the disorder that people with GT (Glanzmanns) get- they bruise much more easily. Only 1 in every million people get Glanzmanns and it is passed through a blood gene that both parents have. Lots of people can have this but it is rare that their children will develop GT.
The doctors at Great Ormond Street are amazing and although he has had to have 1 blood transfusion he is doing very well and they will be able to monitor and help him to live as normal a life as possible. He will not be able to play contact sports but he will be able to be fit and healthy and play like a normal baby- he just has to be careful with his knocks and if he cuts himself he may need platelet transfusions.
I think this sort of news is shocking for anyone. But you have to find a strength you didn’t know was there. Im normally pretty terrible with bad news and don’t know how to handle things. But I have found myself having strength and positivity that I didn’t know was there and know that Felix has lots of impeccable help around him.
The astonishing thing about this condition is that one of my best friends in New York in a bizarre twist has the same blood disorder- only 300 people out of 350 million people in America has it and she does! And only 135 people in the UK have it and so it has been an uncanny moment that she has helped me in so many ways possible already- giving me info and listening to my every stress, keeping me calm, I still can’t quite believe it. Also she has inspired me as she leads a very happy, active and full life so it is something to aspire too.
Felix is very lovely to look after and has already taught me various life lessons (and finely tuned a few others) Maybe there are a few more to add to this but this is what I have learned so far….
- Get your organisation skills up to 100%.
Maybe your like me but I was the kind of girl who would leave the evening dishes until the morning, take all my laundry to the laundrette as I couldn’t be bothered, and keep any old leaflet or scrap of paper then let them pile right up (incase I needed them at a later stage lol). Now everything is much tidier, I clean right away and am much more ahead of the game!
- Don’t think about it- just do it.
Sometimes I used to sit there and think ‘what is a good caption for my Instagram photo?’ sometimes I would think about it for a good couple of hours – can you believe it! What a looney! Now I just type and go- the same goes for everything else, admin, emails, sending things off. Move quickly, assertively and don’t worry too much- just get it out there and get on with it.
- Cut the crap.
I don’t have time to listen to any more negativity or be involved with anyone that is toxic, and we all encounter this in our day to day lives at some point… I am surrounding myself with positive supportive people who always have my back – and in turn I will of course always have theirs. Let’s just say sometimes a life cleanup is in order and as I’m time poor it was time for a cull!
- Be positive
There are moments when the baby does challenge you. When are you going to sleep? Am I doing it right? I try to think positively about it, even with his illness I tell myself it will all work out, he will be fine, I have to be positive.
- Keep active.
This may not necessarily mean a 10k run (as if! Anyway I still can’t exercise for a few more weeks due to my C-section) but keeping your life active and full. My mum says give yourself one reward a day and treat yourself. A glass of wine, a cake, even a lovely walk. Even if Felix is crying I put him in the pram, put on makeup and go outside- he soon falls asleep and if he doesn’t at least I’ve had a breathe of fresh air!
- Don’t try to be perfect just go with the flow
I’ve already felt the wrath of other judging mummies- I don’t even think they mean it! But they may ask you if you are doing this or that, and why you are doing so. It is a bit of a club, and it’s good to do things your own way in your own routine (hashtag freestyle mummy!)
- Sleep whenever you want and don’t feel ashamed about it.
Last week baby Felix had to go to hospital for his bleeding. We were in a freezing over the top air conned room and he had lots of blood taken and injections- plus the nurse came in every half an hour as she wanted him to do a poo and he wouldn’t (by 4am I politely said please don’t ask me for any more poo this evening thank you!) We didn’t sleep a wink- the only time he hasn’t- and I think we were both stressed out. I hadn’t eaten for a day as I was so worried about him and I literally began losing it. I made a vow as soon as I left the hospital to not let eating or sleeping slip and to look after myself even more so I can be 100% for him.
- Laugh at it, rather than cry at it.
Your day with a baby mainly consists of poo, wee, feeding, getting him to sleep, washing, cleaning and repeat. But is that actually such a bad thing? I know some people have said to me they find it repetitive but I honestly love waking up and seeing his sweet face every morning and don’t really think about all that- it just sort of happens, even if I have never done this much washing in my entire life!
- Make future plans.
I have some lovely ideas for places to go with Felix and feel planning, writing things down, creating a mood board is a super exciting thing to do. Now that he is here and even with his illness I feel like with careful planning we can start going off on adventures and this is always a fun thing to organise.
- Don’t feel bad if you have a shit day.
I’m making it all sound wonderful (and many parts are) but there are days when it does go really bad. The baby wont stop crying (cue me wheeling him in the Silver Cross up and down the living room!) – when you both just go off for a VERY much needed afternoon nap then he pukes everywhere and poos (sorry there has been a lot of poo in this blog post!) or you just feel you can’t get everything done in time and feel frustrated. Give yourself a reward, tell yourself your doing ok and say to yourself I will be strong and tomorrow is most definitely a new day.